It is no secret that humans are creatures of habit. We fall into comfortable routines. Often, in relationships, our conversations follow suit. On Monday morning you ask your coworker how her weekend was while you half-heartedly listen and pour your coffee at the same time. On a Wednesday night you may ask your partner how his work day was, only to receive a response as mundane as a 2 p.m soap opera rerun.
Does the conversation below sound familiar?
“How was your day today?” “Good.” “What did you do?” “Nothing much.”
Or what about this one?
“How is work going?” “It’s good.” “How’s the apartment?” “Also good.” “How’s everything else?” “Eh, pretty good.”
All. Too. Familiar.
I am not writing this with the assumption that every conversation you have has to be deeply profound. I appreciate mild-mannered banter as much as the next person. I am also aware that some relationships are naturally more surface level than others. However, if you are craving more valuable conversations in your relationships or you merely want to break a repetitive cycle, I encourage you to ask this question in your next interaction: What did you learn today?
Asking the Question “What did you learn today?”
What is great about this question is both its simplicity and versatility. It is easily communicated and understood. It can be used in all the relationships in your life: parent, child, coworker, friend, partner, teammate, neighbor, etc. It does not have an expiration date, thanks to a daily matchup between the human condition and external reality.
Why This Question is Relevant
Thinking back to middle school, I can remember a few occasions in which my parents asked me “How was school today?” to which I provided the very creative, tried-and-true answer of “Good.” What artistry! Unsatisfied by that answer alone, my parents then prompted me in a new way with the question “What did you learn today?”. Testing my luck with a “mmm… nothing really” response was usually met with a sagacious “Oh really? You didn’t learn anything new in SCHOOL? What a shame.” At that point, I realized that my parents must have REALLY wanted to learn about the Pythagorean Theorem, and I eventually gave in.
This simple question “What did you learn today?” is a way to prompt another person to reflect on their own experiences of the day and to determine what they know now that they did not know before. While a seemingly simple task, reflecting on learning is often is passively overlooked. This is unfortunate for a few reasons. The first reason is that without this reflection period, that new knowledge runs the risk of being repressed and soon forgotten. A second reason is that the new knowledge stays confined to the person who has it, rather than sharing it with others.
Reverting to Childlike Curiosity and Encouraging Learning
You do not have to be in school to learn. As humans we are learning new things every day. It is only a matter of paying attention to this learning to recognize that fact. Learning is an active process that happens when the brain rethinks a current understanding or acquires new knowledge that causes reworking of neural pathways.
Having someone else take interest in your learning is powerful and frames learning as a positive, interesting experience, which it certainly is. Productively challenging the people you share relationships with is beneficial for growth of both the individual and the relationship. And at the bare minimum it makes more interesting conversation. Two learners have a mutually beneficial relationship when they can both share their knowledge and learn from the other.
Humans are naturally curious. If you have any doubts, watch a baby looking up at a ceiling fan. Or listen to a toddler asking a million and one “well, what if….” questions. Somewhere along the path of natural maturation, curiosity starts to sink beneath the comfort of familiarity. The structures of school or the routines of work can suppress this curiosity if we are not careful. In this state, things that are unfamiliar become so different and out of scope that learning about them becomes less of a priority.
Using the question “What did you learn today?” is a radical yet simple way to reengage a curious mind and rejuvenate a conversation.
Creating Meaningful Dialogue
Aside from genuinely supporting continued learning, asking the question “What did you learn today?” has some additional benefits. These include finding or piquing a new interest or discovering new ways to support the other person in the relationship. There is so much that we do not know, so taking a moment to connect with another person is one way to lessen the fear of never knowing it all.
When asked “What did you learn today?” people may be surprised initially. This is not a common question (beyond elementary and middle school households). Answering this question requires a moment to process in order to provide a thoughtful answer. This active reflection is the exact change of pace that will shift your mundane conversations into a meaningful dialogue with another person.
What Makes a Good Answer?
The question “What did you learn today?” is naturally open-ended and leaves the answer in the recipient’s hand. They may choose to offer something concrete and explain the new software they learned at work or tell you about the road that is closed for construction on the commute home. Perhaps what they learned is more subjective such as their own reaction to a stressful situation or a shortcoming of theirs which affected their decision making. Maybe they will offer a fun fact they learned from a client or bring up a new restaurant for which they heard a new advertisement.
Whether the answer is surface level or more emotionally weighted, the fact of the matter is that the question prompted active thought. Answering the question involves replaying the day – considering interactions, remembering media and news, and reflecting on other conversations. This active engagement is usually not required for the repertoire of passive questions that we use to maintain familiar conversations in our day-to-day life.
On Switching it Up
As with any change, it may feel a bit odd or uncomfortable to ask this question if you never have before. However, I think you will find that most, if not all, people find the question “What did you learn today?” refreshing and engaging. As this question becomes more popular in conversations, we will foster worthwhile moments of connection that will boost communication and in turn improve the relationships in our lives.
So give it a try! Ask your manager, your brother, your new pickleball partner, your cat and see what sort of responses you get! Okay, maybe not your brother. . .
Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have a great day! (And that you learn something new, obviously).
~Katherine
Comments